Silent Coffee

Attention all entrepreneurs. One of you is going into the java biz.

There are no less than 20 coffee shops within a mile of my apartment. Probably more. But you’d be hard pressed to find a difference between them beyond the color of their chairs.

I can’t understand it. Why be the same as the other guy?

There are niches to be had. Consider their customers. I propose there are 3 types: Dashers, Chatters and Scowlers.

Dashers take it to go. They might be the only ones that care about the coffee.

Chatters never drink coffee alone. And with their flock comes the clucking.

Scowlers come to the coffeehouse to work. They’re writing or reading, and no doubt scowling at the jabbering Chatters.

Well scowl no more. Submitted for your approval: Silent Coffee.

Silent Coffee is a no-talking café. There’s no music, cell phones must be on silent, and you write your order down, lest your speaking spoil the silence. There are no gossiping teens or wailing babies. No board games or loudly blended drinks.

Silent Coffee is a workplace, and there will be space to work. Out go the couches and stools. In come desks and tables. The gentle ambiance of delicate light fixtures is replaced by the legibility of a well-lit room. There are power outlets everywhere.

Top it off with a couple soundproof conference rooms for phone calls and meetings. There might even be a couple public Kindles or iSlates, loaded with books and taking requests.

What’s important is that it’s quiet, and a giant chunk of the java market wants it that way. Once these quiet customers hear about Silent Coffee, they won’t risk the noise of any other café.

One last thing, entrepreneurs. Open your first location in Chicago. I need a quiet place to blog.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Foodscaping 101

Here we are.  My first free idea.  This one is for the seed industry, and it’s a moneymaker.  I call it Foodscaping 101.

Fade in.  A movement toward locally grown produce is sweeping the nation, motivated in part by the volume of greenhouse gases released shipping food from where it’s grown to where it’s eaten.  Growing locally shortens the distance food travels, shrinking its carbon footprint.

And for those who think a cold winter disproves global warming, remember that those freight costs are passed on to you, the consumer.  Without them, food will be cheaper.

You may recall Michelle Obama planting a garden at the White House with local school children.  She sets a wonderful example, so why don’t all students have the same opportunity as those attending the school invited to the White House?

Simple.  There’s no money.  Our school system is borderline bankrupt.  Nation-wide, schools are firing teachers and cutting programs, not adding them.

This is where Big Seed saves the day.  Seed sellers will donate to schools all necessary supplies to teach a new program: Foodscaping 101.

They’ll even create a website, let’s call it Foodscaping101.org, complete with child-targeting lesson plans and instructional videos on every home gardening topic possible.  It will be teachers’ primary teaching tool.

But why does Big Seed care about children?  See if you can glean the answer from this story: When I was young boy, I once came home from Sunday school demanding a feather.  I needed it to clean the house in preparation for Passover.  The very next day, my family switched to a less religious synagogue.  The point is: kids are lemmings. I didn’t ask why it had to be a feather because I would have done anything they said.

Teach kids to garden at school, and they will pester their parents to garden at home.  That’s why this isn’t a moral endeavor for Big Seed; it’s a sound marketing strategy: teach a boy to garden, then sell him the seeds.

Parents can buy a Starter Farm from Foodscaping101.org, but will they?  It’s easy to find out.  With the website up, the program’s profitability can be tested with only a handful of schools.

That’s when the media will get wind of it, and the free publicity will close the sale.  The debate over private industry’s role in education will ignite.  The talking heads will yammer on about the slippery slope to Lucky Strike Middle School.  All the while, they’ll be talking about Foodscaping 101.  Schools will be begging for their own programs.

So if the government can’t afford to teach our children to garden, I say Big Seed should fill the void.  Capitalism will provide.

Until next week,

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Jonathan Rozen

An Introduction

My brain may be for lease, but it doesn’t wait for payments.  It’s active. Whether I’m standing or sitting, even lying down, it keeps churning away.  Idea after idea after idea. That’s just how the synapse fires. 

Sometimes the ideas are for me, and when they are I make them happen.  But most of the time they’re for other people.  Mathletic engineers.  Faceless corporations. The government. So what should I do with them? Save them for the campaign trail? That’s where they've been waiting, but today I vow to you that I will hoard schemes no longer!

Today I start this blog, and it’s going to the change the world.  Every Monday I will gift one idea to mankind, so that one day, one person will say to another, “I saw this great idea on this blog.”  The other will respond, “That is a great idea. Let’s make it happen for real.” 

I hope you e-mail me on that day, because I’d love to see one of my brain babies grow up.

Until next week,

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Jonathan Rozen