Pizz-Os

I’ve sat on this idea for a long time, but it seems I will never open a restaurant. So, I am giving my gimmick to any budding restauranteur.

There must be millions of pizza places, but they all serve pretty much the same thing: a big round disk of dough, sauce and cheese. Maybe some toppings. It’s so boring. Lucky for the world, I’ve got a new wrinkle.

I call it Pizz-Os. It’s simple. Cut out the center of the pizza before cooking. The result: two concentric circles of slices. Every piece has crust.

Anything can go in the center. There’s your standard fare, like chicken wings or bread sticks. Could go classy, perhaps with my favorite, soft shell crab. Any appetizer will work, and at Pizz-Os, appetizers are mandatory.

Pizz-Os is the pizza place I’ve dreamed of opening my entire life. I hope giving it to you earns me my own Pizz-O. I request chicken pesto pizza with teriyaki steak skewers be dubbed The Rozen. For me, it’ll be The Usual.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

End NHL Shootouts

Chicago is awash with Blackhawk fever. Now that they’ve reached the Stanley Cup Finals, only one question remains. Do they face Montreal or Philadelphia? But there’s something more that weighs on my mind, which is why this week’s free idea is for the NHL.

After one overtime, NHL games are decided by a shootout. Each team gets three chances to go one on one with the goalie. Most goals win. It is akin to ending a basketball game by playing Knockout. Or ending a football game with a field goal kicking contest.

The rule’s purpose is to prevent games from going on and on. It makes sense for the regular season, though I’d rather watch hockey. Teams are always rushing straight from their locker room to the next city for the next game, so games need to end in a timely manner.

But when it comes to the playoffs, I want to see the outcome determined by actual hockey. To decide a champion in a team sport by a series of one-on-one drills is a bastardization of the sport.

NHL, eliminate shootouts for the playoffs. Let them play hockey to crown their champion. No matter how long it takes. And if I’m wrong, and shootouts are already banned from the playoffs, keep up the good work.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Iron Chef: Dishwashers

This week’s free idea is for the producers of Iron Chef. It might be a bit silly, but it’s ready for implementation.

Iron Chef dirties a mountain of dishes in the single hour of competition, but who cleans them?

I propose one person clean every last dish by his lonesome. That cleaning should be filmed, set to Benny Hill music and played at quintuple speed during the closing credits.

If comedy isn’t reason enough, this idea can easily be infused with competition. Pit two scrub-masters against each other and call it Iron Chef: Dishwashers. The first to clean their chef’s dishes wins.

Make it happen, Iron Chef. I’d like to end each episode with a giggle.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen