News Ticker during Commercial Breaks

We’ve all flipped to ESPN to check a score, and just when it’s about to appear on the bottom line, ESPN cuts to commercial. How annoying. And when the break ends, the bottom line is somewhere new, leaving a full cycle to get back to the score we want. Sure, the internet has the score, but we don’t all have the web in our pocket.

That’s why this week’s free idea is for ESPN, CNN and any other television networks with more information than their programming can cover.

Make your scrolling news ticker permanent. Extend it through the commercial breaks.

There’s a large chunk of your viewership that only checks your channel to view the scrolling bar anyway. Whether it’s for a score, stats or the latest new, they’re not there for your shows, but they’re still there. If you still want those people to stay with your station during a commercial break, put the news ticker at the bottom. The content will make those commercials bearable.

It may be argued that the scrolling bar will take attention away from the commercials, for which marketers have paid many pretty pennies. But this makes the same assumption that ratings make, that viewers simply sit quietly during commercials are wait for their program to return. The reality is that as soon as a commercial hits the air, viewers are changing the channel to find something to fulfill their constant need for engagement.

A scrolling news ticker throughout the commercial break will retain more viewers from segment to segment. A viewer that changes the channel obviously doesn’t see any ads, no matter what the ratings say. But a retained viewer is an actual viewer. Which do you think advertisers will prefer?

I know they know how. I’ve seen it rolled out for special events, like during the NFL draft last week. Commercials were played inside a frame of scrolling information.

ESPN, make your scrolling draft coverage permanent. I’ll sit through the ads if you give me something interesting to read.

Other channels, follow ESPN’s lead.

Until May 17th,
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Jonathan Rozen


On a personal note, I’ll be out of the country and away from all electronic devices for the next couple weeks. My next idea will be given away in three weeks, upon my return.

Glass-Bottomed Jumbotron

There’s a problem with every seat in every arena in the world. They’re all around the action. None of them are in it.

I present to you: the Glass-bottomed Jumbotron. Screens on the outside. Seats on the inside.

Perched above center court (or ice, or monster truck show or whatever else), fans will enjoy a view of events only previously delivered by camera. Forget floor seats, “when you’re looking down, the action’s all around.” Everyone loves a rhyming jingle.

It’s the perfect way to boost home-court advantage. Pack the rowdiest fans into the Jumbotron and let their heckles rain down. How long until players are yelling back up at them? That’s great television.

Or perhaps turn it into an eccentric owner’s evil suite, with a single desk alone in a giant room of windows. If Jerry Jones owned a basketball team, he’d want one.

Remember all the commotion over Jones’ 72-feet tall, 160-feet long screen in his football stadium? Expect the same for the first Glass-Bottomed Jumbotron. With that kind of attention, sponsors will be lining up to pay for naming rights. It might even pay for itself. How much does a custom Jumbotron cost?

Fans want to get closer to the action, but this isn’t up to them. So I’m talking to you, now, stadium owners and architects. This is your decision. Demand a chandelier of seats and screens above center stadium. The view will be spectacular.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Fruit Trees in Public Parks

I live across the street from a school where, every Tuesday, the Greater Chicago Food Depository gives away food. People start lining up at 3am, and lately, there have been a lot of them.

The line curls around a pine tree and beneath the elms that line the block. Under those useless trees, they wait for the bakery’s throwaways. If only they could reach into that pine tree and pull out some fruit, but you can’t eat a pine cone.

With bellies rumbling across this nation, we’ve filled our public parks with trees that provide shade and nothing else, feeding no beast but squirrel.

Let there be a new approach. Schools and public parks shall plant no tree that doesn’t bear edible fruit.

I’m not saying to tear up public parks for farmland, merely to, if given the choice between planting a fruit tree and planting a useless tree, plant the fruit tree.

There are enough hungry mouths to make use of the harvest. After lunches for school children and produce for food shelters, there won’t be an apple to spare.

Most appealing, the responsibility of turning those trees into food can be pawned off on some charity. Surely if offered the bounty, any local food bank would provide any volunteers needed to collect the crop. As soon as that sapling’s roots are covered in dirt, it’s Big Charity’s burden.

Will planting fruit trees in parks eradicate hunger? Of course not, but if every little bit helps, here’s a little bit.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Male Athletes in High Heels

This week’s free idea is for men’s sports coaches at high schools.

Coaches often doll out unique punishments off the field to improve play on the field. The running back who fumbles a lot has to carry a football around wherever he goes. The point guard struggling with his handle has to dribble a ball from class to class.

Tame, but effective punishments. I’ve got a new one.

There is one rule present in every sport outside the pool. Stay on your toes. Whether it’s baseball, basketball, football, soccer, tennis or even wrestling, athletes need to be ready to move in any direction at any moment. Get caught on your heels and you lose.

Athletes are caught flat-footed anyway. Fatigue is a factor, but coaches know staying on your toes is just a stance. If practice isn’t enough time to break the heel-sitting habit, how can a coach keep an athlete thinking about staying on his toes on his own time?

Make flat-footed athletes wear high heels.

A day or two in four-inch stilettos will teach athletes the balance of staying on their toes, and the embarrassment will ensure they learn the lesson. For repeat offenders, coaches can instruct teammates to push Mr. Heels over when they see him.

You may ask, “Where do you buy men’s size fourteen high heel shoes?” The same place all transvestites buy their shoes. The internet.

If you force your athletes to wear high heels, they’ll never get caught flat-footed again. Or they’ll quit. Give it a try, Coach.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen