The I'm-Still-Wearing-That Clothes Tree

We’ve been told that there are two classes of clothing, clean and dirty, but that is simply not the case.  Take your jeans, for example.  The same pair of jeans can last as long as a week without needing to be cleaned, but something just doesn’t feel right about hanging an already worn pair back in the closet. 

So where does it end up?  The floor, of course, piled with that shirt you didn’t sweat in and the hoody you only wore around the house.

Enter the I’m-Still-Wearing-That Clothes Tree, whose arms and hooks will hold all your nearly clean apparel, keeping it wrinkle-free and ready to wear.

I’m ready to class up my pile of day-old clothes, but this product doesn’t exist yet.  That's why I'm giving this idea away.  Hopefully we'll all soon find it on the shelves of Bed Bath & Beyond.  But they'd better hurry, because I’ll buy my I’m-Still-Wearing-That Clothes Tree at the Container Store if they're first to market.

Until next time,

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Jonathan Rozen

No Blog Deadlines

I’ve been neglectful.  I promised to deliver a new idea every Monday, and I haven’t.

It’s not that I’m out of ideas.  I am out of time.  I’ve been working on a couple of the ideas I’ve hoarded, but excuses are like toenails, everyone’s got plenty and nobody wants to talk about them, so I’ll spare you the particulars of what’s kept this blog postless.

Instead, I’ll make it today’s idea:  No blog deadlines. 

From now on, I’ll blog as often as I can.  It may be once a week.  Could be once a month, or occasionally every day.  It will be inconsistent.  But the ideas will start flowing again.  I promise.

Until next time,

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Jon Rozen

Make this T-Shirt, Bulls

I have been informed that, due to certain trademark laws, I cannot produce this shirt myself. That is why I pass it along to the Chicago Bulls and the NBA. Make this shirt, preferably screen-printed, red and white on black 50/50 poly-cotton blends, and I will buy it.  If you don't, I may just make it myself.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Salary Structure for the NBA's next CBA

The NBA and the Players Union are currently negotiating a new collective bargaining agreement. I’d like some input.

In the current CBA, there is a salary cap. This cap is set every year based on the revenue generated the year before. Players contracts are limited to a set percentage of this salary cap. However, players still sign contracts with dollar amounts.

This worked out fine until recently. Like home values, the salary cap had never gone down until two years ago. When it did, those set dollar figures made building a team near impossible. These massive contracts were taking up a far larger percentage of the salary cap than anyone intended.

For the next CBA, I recommend that all contracts be set as a percentage the salary cap, not a dollar amount based on the cap of the season in which the contract was signed. Call them Salary Cap Points.

Instead of getting 8% or 10.5% raises on their previous year’s salary, players can receive more Salary Cap Points. After all, when revenue shrinks for the league, shouldn’t its players share the burden?

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

ESPN 4 Women

I do not care about women's sports. There is no sense in hiding it. I don’t care who wins, and I’ll change the channel when their highlights interrupt SportsCenter.

I am not the only one. Remotes are grabbed across the country every time the day’s WNBA scores promise to consume the next five minutes of ESPN’s bottom line.

It spits in the face of the purpose of television: to attract an audience and sell access to advertisers. After all, ad money pays for everything. Fans of women’s sports cannot possibly be the same fans those advertisers are targeting with beer ads. The women's sports fan market is ignored and lost, but there is an opportunity to fix it and, more importantly, profit from it. If this niche market can be isolated, more targeted ads can be sold at a premium.

That’s why this week’s free idea is for ESPN. Give women’s sports their own network. ESPN 4 Women. Separate but equal may have an ugly history, but this time it means ka ching.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

HDMI in Every Computer

I’ve been gone, or more accurately my computer has. But thanks to Apple, it’s back, and so am I with a special Tuesday idea giveaway.

For the last three generations of computers, I’ve been using TVs as monitors. Every generation has its own cables. VGA. S-Video. DVI. I thought I had them all, but, with my computer in the shop, I still couldn’t hook up a friend’s laptop to the television. I’ve got a drawer overflowing of wires and converters, and they were all obsolete.

It’s time for computers to commit to a standard video output format, HDMI. It’s small, all the TVs already use it and it outputs audio as well.

From here on, let every new computer ship with an HDMI port.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

World Cup, Ban Vuvuzelas

This week’s free idea is more akin to what grinds Peter Griffin’s gears, but I can’t help it. If you’ve watched any of the World Cup, you probably already know what I’m talking about.

It’s those damn horns. The vuvuzelas. Their collective din makes every broadcast sound like rush hour at the bee hive. Even at the rare critical play, no waves of excitement can be heard pulsing through the crowd. All we ever hear is the constant drone of those obnoxious vuvuzelas.

World Cup, please ban vuvuzelas. They’re chasing away your viewers. And viewers equal money.


Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Hockey Coverage Cameras

Yes, another hockey post. I know what you’re thinking. “But you were wrong about playoff overtimes and shootouts.” Yes, I was. The NHL was ahead of me on that one. But this week, I’ve got an idea that demands implementation.

With the Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup Final, I’ve been watching a lot of hockey, and there is one thing that keeps annoying me. Every time the puck is on the near boards, I can’t see what’s happening. The ice is blocked by the boards, and all we viewers are left with is helmets, shoulders and a scuffle.

That’s why this week’s free idea is for NBC and Versus. When the puck is on the near boards, switch to a different camera. We know you have them. We’ve seen you use your extra cameras for replays. I'm not asking for my view of the game to be changed all the time, but when I can’t see the puck, please, show me what is happening!

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Pizz-Os

I’ve sat on this idea for a long time, but it seems I will never open a restaurant. So, I am giving my gimmick to any budding restauranteur.

There must be millions of pizza places, but they all serve pretty much the same thing: a big round disk of dough, sauce and cheese. Maybe some toppings. It’s so boring. Lucky for the world, I’ve got a new wrinkle.

I call it Pizz-Os. It’s simple. Cut out the center of the pizza before cooking. The result: two concentric circles of slices. Every piece has crust.

Anything can go in the center. There’s your standard fare, like chicken wings or bread sticks. Could go classy, perhaps with my favorite, soft shell crab. Any appetizer will work, and at Pizz-Os, appetizers are mandatory.

Pizz-Os is the pizza place I’ve dreamed of opening my entire life. I hope giving it to you earns me my own Pizz-O. I request chicken pesto pizza with teriyaki steak skewers be dubbed The Rozen. For me, it’ll be The Usual.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

End NHL Shootouts

Chicago is awash with Blackhawk fever. Now that they’ve reached the Stanley Cup Finals, only one question remains. Do they face Montreal or Philadelphia? But there’s something more that weighs on my mind, which is why this week’s free idea is for the NHL.

After one overtime, NHL games are decided by a shootout. Each team gets three chances to go one on one with the goalie. Most goals win. It is akin to ending a basketball game by playing Knockout. Or ending a football game with a field goal kicking contest.

The rule’s purpose is to prevent games from going on and on. It makes sense for the regular season, though I’d rather watch hockey. Teams are always rushing straight from their locker room to the next city for the next game, so games need to end in a timely manner.

But when it comes to the playoffs, I want to see the outcome determined by actual hockey. To decide a champion in a team sport by a series of one-on-one drills is a bastardization of the sport.

NHL, eliminate shootouts for the playoffs. Let them play hockey to crown their champion. No matter how long it takes. And if I’m wrong, and shootouts are already banned from the playoffs, keep up the good work.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Iron Chef: Dishwashers

This week’s free idea is for the producers of Iron Chef. It might be a bit silly, but it’s ready for implementation.

Iron Chef dirties a mountain of dishes in the single hour of competition, but who cleans them?

I propose one person clean every last dish by his lonesome. That cleaning should be filmed, set to Benny Hill music and played at quintuple speed during the closing credits.

If comedy isn’t reason enough, this idea can easily be infused with competition. Pit two scrub-masters against each other and call it Iron Chef: Dishwashers. The first to clean their chef’s dishes wins.

Make it happen, Iron Chef. I’d like to end each episode with a giggle.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

News Ticker during Commercial Breaks

We’ve all flipped to ESPN to check a score, and just when it’s about to appear on the bottom line, ESPN cuts to commercial. How annoying. And when the break ends, the bottom line is somewhere new, leaving a full cycle to get back to the score we want. Sure, the internet has the score, but we don’t all have the web in our pocket.

That’s why this week’s free idea is for ESPN, CNN and any other television networks with more information than their programming can cover.

Make your scrolling news ticker permanent. Extend it through the commercial breaks.

There’s a large chunk of your viewership that only checks your channel to view the scrolling bar anyway. Whether it’s for a score, stats or the latest new, they’re not there for your shows, but they’re still there. If you still want those people to stay with your station during a commercial break, put the news ticker at the bottom. The content will make those commercials bearable.

It may be argued that the scrolling bar will take attention away from the commercials, for which marketers have paid many pretty pennies. But this makes the same assumption that ratings make, that viewers simply sit quietly during commercials are wait for their program to return. The reality is that as soon as a commercial hits the air, viewers are changing the channel to find something to fulfill their constant need for engagement.

A scrolling news ticker throughout the commercial break will retain more viewers from segment to segment. A viewer that changes the channel obviously doesn’t see any ads, no matter what the ratings say. But a retained viewer is an actual viewer. Which do you think advertisers will prefer?

I know they know how. I’ve seen it rolled out for special events, like during the NFL draft last week. Commercials were played inside a frame of scrolling information.

ESPN, make your scrolling draft coverage permanent. I’ll sit through the ads if you give me something interesting to read.

Other channels, follow ESPN’s lead.

Until May 17th,
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Jonathan Rozen


On a personal note, I’ll be out of the country and away from all electronic devices for the next couple weeks. My next idea will be given away in three weeks, upon my return.

Glass-Bottomed Jumbotron

There’s a problem with every seat in every arena in the world. They’re all around the action. None of them are in it.

I present to you: the Glass-bottomed Jumbotron. Screens on the outside. Seats on the inside.

Perched above center court (or ice, or monster truck show or whatever else), fans will enjoy a view of events only previously delivered by camera. Forget floor seats, “when you’re looking down, the action’s all around.” Everyone loves a rhyming jingle.

It’s the perfect way to boost home-court advantage. Pack the rowdiest fans into the Jumbotron and let their heckles rain down. How long until players are yelling back up at them? That’s great television.

Or perhaps turn it into an eccentric owner’s evil suite, with a single desk alone in a giant room of windows. If Jerry Jones owned a basketball team, he’d want one.

Remember all the commotion over Jones’ 72-feet tall, 160-feet long screen in his football stadium? Expect the same for the first Glass-Bottomed Jumbotron. With that kind of attention, sponsors will be lining up to pay for naming rights. It might even pay for itself. How much does a custom Jumbotron cost?

Fans want to get closer to the action, but this isn’t up to them. So I’m talking to you, now, stadium owners and architects. This is your decision. Demand a chandelier of seats and screens above center stadium. The view will be spectacular.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Fruit Trees in Public Parks

I live across the street from a school where, every Tuesday, the Greater Chicago Food Depository gives away food. People start lining up at 3am, and lately, there have been a lot of them.

The line curls around a pine tree and beneath the elms that line the block. Under those useless trees, they wait for the bakery’s throwaways. If only they could reach into that pine tree and pull out some fruit, but you can’t eat a pine cone.

With bellies rumbling across this nation, we’ve filled our public parks with trees that provide shade and nothing else, feeding no beast but squirrel.

Let there be a new approach. Schools and public parks shall plant no tree that doesn’t bear edible fruit.

I’m not saying to tear up public parks for farmland, merely to, if given the choice between planting a fruit tree and planting a useless tree, plant the fruit tree.

There are enough hungry mouths to make use of the harvest. After lunches for school children and produce for food shelters, there won’t be an apple to spare.

Most appealing, the responsibility of turning those trees into food can be pawned off on some charity. Surely if offered the bounty, any local food bank would provide any volunteers needed to collect the crop. As soon as that sapling’s roots are covered in dirt, it’s Big Charity’s burden.

Will planting fruit trees in parks eradicate hunger? Of course not, but if every little bit helps, here’s a little bit.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Male Athletes in High Heels

This week’s free idea is for men’s sports coaches at high schools.

Coaches often doll out unique punishments off the field to improve play on the field. The running back who fumbles a lot has to carry a football around wherever he goes. The point guard struggling with his handle has to dribble a ball from class to class.

Tame, but effective punishments. I’ve got a new one.

There is one rule present in every sport outside the pool. Stay on your toes. Whether it’s baseball, basketball, football, soccer, tennis or even wrestling, athletes need to be ready to move in any direction at any moment. Get caught on your heels and you lose.

Athletes are caught flat-footed anyway. Fatigue is a factor, but coaches know staying on your toes is just a stance. If practice isn’t enough time to break the heel-sitting habit, how can a coach keep an athlete thinking about staying on his toes on his own time?

Make flat-footed athletes wear high heels.

A day or two in four-inch stilettos will teach athletes the balance of staying on their toes, and the embarrassment will ensure they learn the lesson. For repeat offenders, coaches can instruct teammates to push Mr. Heels over when they see him.

You may ask, “Where do you buy men’s size fourteen high heel shoes?” The same place all transvestites buy their shoes. The internet.

If you force your athletes to wear high heels, they’ll never get caught flat-footed again. Or they’ll quit. Give it a try, Coach.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Snuggies on a Plane

Yes, this is my third air travel post of the month. So what? The ideas choose me, and when I fly I think of planes.

Ever used the blanket that airlines provide? The disposable ones stuck in shrink-wrap. They’re uselessly small. Forget adults, I’ve seen fourth graders struggle to cover themselves. And if a passenger does somehow contort his body to fit beneath its warmth, he’s stuck that way. Can’t read a book or listen to music. The slightest movement would muck it up, and there’s no finding that position twice. As usual, I’ve got the solution.

Replace vacuum-sealed blankettes with Snuggies. Not actual Snuggies. Steal the pattern and making Snuggie knock-offs out of the same cheap fabric airlines use now. No one can own the idea to put sleeves on a blanket. Right?

Passengers are the obvious winners. Flying coach is among the most uncomfortable things a person can do. Any step toward coziness is a welcome one, and a blanket designed for sitting upright as opposed to the fetal position is a clear upgrade.

Airlines don't really care about passenger comfort, though. They care about filling the seats. That's why the real benefit to the airline lies in all the free press. You can bet Big Snuggie is going to be out for blood. I’d expect a court case and, with it, the media circus this type of benign controversy always creates. Through it all, whichever airline summoned the courage to put sleeves on its blankets will become The Snuggie Airline. In a parity industry where consumers define airlines by fees and tarmac horror stories, having a reputation for Snuggies will be a nice boost. Customers have certainly made choices based on far less.

So put sleeves on your blankets, airlines. If you won’t do it for your passengers, do it for the money.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Leave On All Electronic Devices

If you’ve flown, you know the rule. All electronic devices must be turned off for take-off and landing. Supposedly, all laptops, iPods and Game Boys must be properly stowed to keep you safe. I’m not buying it.

Every flight, I’m ordered to remove my headphones, but I sneak them back on. Not one of my flights has crashed. If there’s one example of an electronic device interfering with a plane’s navigation, the airlines haven’t told us about it.

Laptops, I understand. They require the oh so dangerous tray table, which must be in the upright and locked position. But mp3 players? A book is more dangerous. Paper cuts hurt.

Do they need my full attention while they demo the proper use of a seat belt? Such a complicated contraption would be impossible to master without thorough instruction.

Maybe it’s terrorism. But if flights are at risk of being wirelessly controlled by a terrorist passenger’s electronic device, wouldn’t they be banned for the entire flight? They're not because there's no threat.

This ban is a farce. Completely purposeless. Airlines, quit your ridiculous policy of having flight attendants order me to remove my headphones before take-off and landing.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

DVR-guments

There is a rage brewing in my apartment, and it’s Comcast’s fault. There is only one DVR, but three roommates. It is easier to share a bathroom than a DVR. Recordings get deleted more often than we take out the garbage. The result? DVR-guments.

Comcast’s solution is a DVR for every room and more money, but sharing a single DVR isn’t the problem. It’s the software.

There is one master list for all recordings. One list for multiple users. Short of calling my roommates at work to ask if they’ve watched the March 11th Daily Show, I’m left to delete recordings blindly or leave them to pile up until we’re forced to convene a DVR death panel. Neither is appealing.

There’s a simple fix. Change the software to allow multiple users. Let the first menu after “my DVR” be the usernames. If we each have our own list of recordings, we can freely delete what we’ve already seen, while the software keeps shows on hard drive until they’ve been deleted from every user’s list.

Maybe TiVo already does this. I’ve never used one. But I can tell you that my Comcast DVR does not. It is unforgivable. This is not groundbreaking programming. Adding one additional menu is as simple as copy and paste.

Comcast, do your part to end domestic DVR-guments. Otherwise we’ll be forced to stop blaming each other, and start blaming you.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Renaming the Charlotte Bobcats

 

It’s official.  Michael Jordan is buying the Charlotte Bobcats, and rumor has it, he’s renaming them, too.

It makes sense.  The soon-to-be former owner Bob Johnson tackily named the team after himself.  Bob’s mistake wasn’t using his own name.  It was having such a dull one.  Michael may be equally common, but the nicknames are all-time greats.  Before he picks a new name, M.J. should check this blog for a couple suggestions.

I’ll limit myself to two.  The first: Air Charlotte. It’s brings a euro fútbol flavor to the NBA, like Real Madrid or FC Barcelona.  And not only is it based on his Airness, it fits into North Carolina’s flight-boasting history.  After all, upon the Bobcats inception, the runner-up name was the Flight.

Not digging the soccer style?  The second suggestion is more about American capitalism, and it’s sure to please Nike.  The Charlotte Jumpmen.  The logo's already done.

So whether it’s Air Charlotte or the Jumpmen, no one should think of Charlotte again with thinking of Jordan, so pass this along to Michael.  I’m hoping for season tickets in return.

Until next week,

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Jonathan Rozen

Replace Plane Seats with Pods

I’ve got some air travel coming up this week, and it’s revived an old idea that resurfaces every time I fly.

It’s about the seats. There has to be a better way to arrange passengers. Rows are a terrible use of space. All that headroom is wasted while you’re jammed in knees to back.

Packed that tight, it’s impossible to get comfortable. I have a cousin who brings his knees to his chest and sleeps in a ball, but I am too tall for that. 5’10” seems a little short to be too tall for planes.

The truth is, all I want to do is lie down, but the closest I can get is to recline into the lap of the person behind me. A bit rude, but I’ll probably do it anyway.

Here’s the idea. Get rid of the seats. All of them. Replace them with Japanese nap pods.

Have you heard of these? These coffin-style rent-a-beds popped up in the 80s in Japan for businessmen to grab a few winks mid-day. Lately, they’ve turned into apartments for the unemployed, but that’s another topic for another day.

Replace rows with bunks of pods, so we can all lie down and go to sleep. I’ll gladly trade a covert battle with a stranger over the armrest for being able to toss and turn mid-nap.

And it solves a few other of flying’s drawbacks. No more kids bicycle kicking your seat. No more old men only mostly coughing into their handkerchiefs. No more pee-dancers waking you to escape the row. With pods, everyone gets an aisle and a window.

Flight attendants will be relieved to deal with much more docile passengers. Most will nap, while the friskier take advantage of the privacy. Suffice to say, the mile-high club will see a boon in membership.

So get on it, airline industry. When it comes to planes, I want my personal space horizontal. I may be flying coach this week, but I want to fly back pod.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Schedule Olympic Events 24-7

Watching America wipe the ice with Canada has filled with me with the Olympic Spirit. I’m so full of it that I’m going to improve the Olympic Games. No, this isn’t about NBC’s choice to banish the game to MSNBC, though I do resent not being able to watch in HD.

Do you realize that Olympic events only use half the day? Why? So the athletes can sleep? What a waste. Who says athletes have to all sleep at the same time?

The Olympics should schedule events 24-7. From sun-up to sun-up again, there should always be athletes competing somewhere.

As it stands, attendees and viewers are forced to choose one event among many. With twenty-four hours at its disposal, the Olympics can shine a spotlight on each event, so we won’t miss a thing.

It’s what’s best for the host city. Think of all the extra food that will be sold with the streets filled all day and all night. And it’s not just food. Less events per hour means more customers per hour for local businesses. All registers will be overstuffed with cash.

There’s more money to be made on the broadcast, too. With Olympic events 24-7, team sports can be scheduled closer to prime-time of the home team’s homeland. With Vancouver on west-coast time, it’s easy for Americans to forget that in most countries these Olympic Games are happening in the middle of the night. A 24-7 schedule could have Belarus competing on Belarus time. Where's the money? A full game fits a lot more ads than a recap. You’re welcome, Belarusian television networks.

You may be thinking, “But Jon, aren’t the Olympians accustomed to a certain schedule as athletes?” Yes, they are. But remember, these athletes have flown in from halfway around the world only a week or two before the Olympics began. They’re already adjusting. Let them adjust to the new Olympic schedule instead of the sun.

The best festivals last all night, and so should the Olympics. So let’s turn the Games into a sixteen day, 384 hour bender of sporting action. Otherwise, the London Games will start at 3am CST.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen


Bonus idea: Holding events all day and all night creates a constant stream of content, but NBC only has enough commentators to cover their four channels of whatever they decide you want to watch. For all events that don’t figure into NBC’s commentator rotation, pick out fans from the crowd to fill in. Better yet, how about a rotation of the athletes’ parents? Their moms and dads surely know more about these obscure sports than Bob Costas.

Pro Sports Music Contests

I attended a Bulls game last week, and it struck me that they’re still playing the same songs as in the Jordan days. Alan Parsons Project for the home team. Pink Floyd for the visitors. AC/DC during breaks to get the crowd pumped. Maybe the occasional top 40 pop song. It’s not just the United Center, it’s the entire NBA. They all have the same soundtrack. All music is borrowed. And it’s not just the NBA, it’s all sports.

Occasionally stadiums play a campy team song from the days before rock and roll. “Bear Down, Chicago Bears.” Or “Let’s Go Go-Go White Sox.” When they do, the entire stadium sings along with pride.

Fans want their own songs. That’s why this week’s free idea is for professional sports teams' marketing departments. Hold a contest among local bands to write original music for your team and players, and fund studio time for the winners.

Imagine it. White Sox closer Bobby Jenks runs to the mound to a song about Bobby Jenks running to the mound. Blackhawk phenom Patrick Kane scores a goal and a song about Kaner trumpets from the speakers. Devin Hester pumps up the crowd before a kick return to a song about Hester breaking ankles and getting away. Suddenly the stadium is awash in its own culture.

Besides enhancing the in-person experience, the contest itself is an irresistible marketing opportunity. To start, let fans vote which songs are put into stadium use or make an eventual album. This participation in the formation of their team’s culture will deepen fans’ devotion. Every band will mobilize their fan base to promote their song. By promoting the song, they promote the team. And don’t forget the songs themselves. When fans begin to sing along, they’ll be singing about the team. Marketing this sneaky is borderline immoral.

The musicians get plenty out of the contest, too. Exposure. One of the things I learned running Green St. Records is that up-and-coming bands are happy to work for free if it gets them new fans. This contest delivers new ears. Another lesson, the only difference between many local bands and what you hear on the radio is time in the studio. With studio time, this contest will be the much-fabled big break for winning bands.

But here’s the best part. The full cost should be easily passed on to corporate sponsors. Maybe Scion? Pepsi? Plenty of companies have their fingers in the music scene and would be thrilled to sponsor this type contest. One of the major record labels might even be interested. With such low overhead, sponsorship revenue will likely exceed cost.

So if it’s good for teams, it’s good for bands, and it’s good for sponsors, there’s no reason not to hold team-specific music competitions for local bands. I look forward to singing about the players I’m watching.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

LocalElections.org

Another election has come and gone in Chicago, and big shocker: I didn’t vote. Yes, it was just a primary, but that’s not why. I’m painfully uninformed when it comes to local elections, and I won't vote blindly. I'm not alone. Reports have the turnout below 25%.

I don't know what I'm voting for. I can’t explain what a comptroller does, let alone the qualities the job requires.

Like most Americans, the only exposure I've had to the candidates has been combating smear campaigns on television. One will raise taxes to 100%. The other will mandate prayer in schools. This lofty debate hasn’t shed light on effective comptrolling.

The only options are to vote smear, vote party or not vote. I and over 75% of Illinois residents chose the last.

For democracy to work, we need to be voting, but most of us won’t if we can’t feel informed. That’s where this week’s free idea comes in: LocalElections.org.

At LocalElections.org, Americans in all 50 states can find out who is running for what where they live. One resource for everyone. For true beginners, LocalElections.org will detail the responsibilities of every electable office and register voters. More importantly, it will house videos from the candidates themselves expounding on their views and platform.

But this isn’t for stump speeches. At LocalElections.org, the voters set the itinerary, submitting issues for the candidates to address. Those issues solicit a video response from each candidate, unless, of course, they prefer only their opponents’ voices be heard. These responses are organized by election and by issue for easy browsing.

Party-wide talking points will be traded for issues that are actually relevant to the office being sought. No more will a candidate’s stance on abortion rights determine whether they’re qualified to be Treasurer. In this local forum, candidates that evade with empty rhetoric will lose votes to straight talk.

This website’s launch will be a pivotal moment for third parties, giving their candidates and messages equal weight and billing as those of the Democrats and Republicans. Further, if there’s one place a voter can go to learn each candidate’s stance on every issue, the correlation between ad spending and election victory can be broken. Lowering the price of victory will be a boon to third parties everywhere.

With LocalElections.org, we can stop complaining and start participating. Isn’t it time you found a reason to vote?

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Lost full-series DVD set: Character Timelines

In honor of Lost’s return, this week’s free idea is for J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof and Jeffrey Lieber. No, I’m not pitching my theory of what’s really going on. This idea is for the inevitable full-series DVD set.

If you don’t watch Lost, stop reading now, splash some water on your face and go tell your boss you’re feeling sick. Really sell it, because you’ve got work to do. There’s no hope of catching up by tomorrow’s premiere, but you could tackle the 98 episode binge by next Tuesday. I envy your journey, for I long to watch Lost again, for the first time.

If you must read on, I’ll try to avoid revealing much.

For years, the writers have ignored criticism that even they were making it up as they went along. They’ve always claimed to have a plan, saying that by the end, they’ll fill in the timeline. Assuming their narrative brilliance is confirmed, it’ll be time to show it off on the DVD set. That is why I bestow upon the creators of Lost, this idea.

Character Timelines. Let us pick a character and watch the entire series, in order, from their perspective.

We’ve grown accustomed to scenes from the island being interrupted by snippets from different periods in characters’ lives. With the whole story told, we can remix the footage to show the characters from a unique new perspective, their own. Watching their chronological, uninterrupted timelines will give fans a brand new Lost experience.

Watching each character’s pre-island life in order will give a new context for their island experience, but that’s just the teaser. For many characters, this will begin as children.

Even more interesting will be seeing the island through the lens of a single character. A crux of the show is that nobody ever tells each other anything. Ever. Information is only shared with the audience. Watching only the scenes of a chosen character, the audience will only know what that character knows.

There will be dozens of new ways to enjoy Lost. To watch a show about the mysteries of the island, select John Locke. To watch a show about love squares and triangles, select Kate Austin. If you love to read, select Sun or Jian.

Without these Character Timelines, I’ll never buy the DVD set. I’ve already seen it. But if they’re included, I’ll be calling in sick the week it comes out.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Silent Coffee

Attention all entrepreneurs. One of you is going into the java biz.

There are no less than 20 coffee shops within a mile of my apartment. Probably more. But you’d be hard pressed to find a difference between them beyond the color of their chairs.

I can’t understand it. Why be the same as the other guy?

There are niches to be had. Consider their customers. I propose there are 3 types: Dashers, Chatters and Scowlers.

Dashers take it to go. They might be the only ones that care about the coffee.

Chatters never drink coffee alone. And with their flock comes the clucking.

Scowlers come to the coffeehouse to work. They’re writing or reading, and no doubt scowling at the jabbering Chatters.

Well scowl no more. Submitted for your approval: Silent Coffee.

Silent Coffee is a no-talking café. There’s no music, cell phones must be on silent, and you write your order down, lest your speaking spoil the silence. There are no gossiping teens or wailing babies. No board games or loudly blended drinks.

Silent Coffee is a workplace, and there will be space to work. Out go the couches and stools. In come desks and tables. The gentle ambiance of delicate light fixtures is replaced by the legibility of a well-lit room. There are power outlets everywhere.

Top it off with a couple soundproof conference rooms for phone calls and meetings. There might even be a couple public Kindles or iSlates, loaded with books and taking requests.

What’s important is that it’s quiet, and a giant chunk of the java market wants it that way. Once these quiet customers hear about Silent Coffee, they won’t risk the noise of any other café.

One last thing, entrepreneurs. Open your first location in Chicago. I need a quiet place to blog.

Until next week,
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Jonathan Rozen

Foodscaping 101

Here we are.  My first free idea.  This one is for the seed industry, and it’s a moneymaker.  I call it Foodscaping 101.

Fade in.  A movement toward locally grown produce is sweeping the nation, motivated in part by the volume of greenhouse gases released shipping food from where it’s grown to where it’s eaten.  Growing locally shortens the distance food travels, shrinking its carbon footprint.

And for those who think a cold winter disproves global warming, remember that those freight costs are passed on to you, the consumer.  Without them, food will be cheaper.

You may recall Michelle Obama planting a garden at the White House with local school children.  She sets a wonderful example, so why don’t all students have the same opportunity as those attending the school invited to the White House?

Simple.  There’s no money.  Our school system is borderline bankrupt.  Nation-wide, schools are firing teachers and cutting programs, not adding them.

This is where Big Seed saves the day.  Seed sellers will donate to schools all necessary supplies to teach a new program: Foodscaping 101.

They’ll even create a website, let’s call it Foodscaping101.org, complete with child-targeting lesson plans and instructional videos on every home gardening topic possible.  It will be teachers’ primary teaching tool.

But why does Big Seed care about children?  See if you can glean the answer from this story: When I was young boy, I once came home from Sunday school demanding a feather.  I needed it to clean the house in preparation for Passover.  The very next day, my family switched to a less religious synagogue.  The point is: kids are lemmings. I didn’t ask why it had to be a feather because I would have done anything they said.

Teach kids to garden at school, and they will pester their parents to garden at home.  That’s why this isn’t a moral endeavor for Big Seed; it’s a sound marketing strategy: teach a boy to garden, then sell him the seeds.

Parents can buy a Starter Farm from Foodscaping101.org, but will they?  It’s easy to find out.  With the website up, the program’s profitability can be tested with only a handful of schools.

That’s when the media will get wind of it, and the free publicity will close the sale.  The debate over private industry’s role in education will ignite.  The talking heads will yammer on about the slippery slope to Lucky Strike Middle School.  All the while, they’ll be talking about Foodscaping 101.  Schools will be begging for their own programs.

So if the government can’t afford to teach our children to garden, I say Big Seed should fill the void.  Capitalism will provide.

Until next week,

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Jonathan Rozen

An Introduction

My brain may be for lease, but it doesn’t wait for payments.  It’s active. Whether I’m standing or sitting, even lying down, it keeps churning away.  Idea after idea after idea. That’s just how the synapse fires. 

Sometimes the ideas are for me, and when they are I make them happen.  But most of the time they’re for other people.  Mathletic engineers.  Faceless corporations. The government. So what should I do with them? Save them for the campaign trail? That’s where they've been waiting, but today I vow to you that I will hoard schemes no longer!

Today I start this blog, and it’s going to the change the world.  Every Monday I will gift one idea to mankind, so that one day, one person will say to another, “I saw this great idea on this blog.”  The other will respond, “That is a great idea. Let’s make it happen for real.” 

I hope you e-mail me on that day, because I’d love to see one of my brain babies grow up.

Until next week,

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Jonathan Rozen